Every writer has done the dance. You begin looking for someone to publish your work, and you run into the first of a googol of walls. First, you discover that many publishers won't even take your work if it's "unsolicited," meaning it comes without a literary agent attached to it, acting as your manuscript's cheerleader. However, some will only accept submissions from un-solicited manuscripts.
"Whaaaaaaaa...?"
So, you make your choice, and begin submitting to either a publisher directly or to a literary agent you hope will represent you. Then, of course, there's the submission process to either one of these entities, and their ridiculously varying requirements for the submission.
One listed agency, let's call them ABC Literary Agency, says they only want a query letter by snail mail, for which you must wait 2-6 weeks before hearing an answer from them. During that time, however, you decide you'll submit to other agencies and publishers, as well, just so you're not wasting your time waiting on what will likely be another rejection letter. However, you read that ABC Literary Agency does not like to accept submissions that have already been submitted to other agencies. For reasons we writers will never know, this just seems to flummox them, and generally makes them all cross.
Again, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa...?"
So, you don't send out multiple submissions to save ABC's delicate sensibilities, which is an extremely ineffecient use of your time, and when you finally get your (rejection) reply, you've wasted weeks by not submitting to other agencies while waiting on the very agency that just turned you down.
Not only that, but ABC's submission process is by snail mail, and they want only a query letter. But if you want to submit to, say, XYZ Literary Agency, you'll have to e-mail them first. Oh, but wait! You can't just copy and paste your submission from ABC to XYZ, because, whereas ABC wanted a query letter only, XYZ demands a query letter and a one-page synopsis, double-spaced, with headers, with the name and contact information of the author in the upper right-hand corner.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaa...?"
So, you do all this, and get ready to send off to XYZ Literary Agency, but figure you might as well submit to multiple agencies to save on time (screw it, what they don't know won't hurt 'em). But wait! You see that your next target, LMNO Literary Agency, requires a query letter, a three-page synopsis, double-spaced, with headers, and with the first chapter or the first 30 pages.
"Whaaaaaaaaaa...?"
So now you have to come up with a three-page synopsis that draws out the story in greater detail than did your one-page synopsis, and...
Hold on, hold on, you see XYZ and LMNO both require a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE) or they will not reply. Not ever. No matter how good your work is. Okay, so, now you have to get a manila envelope to contain all of this stuff, pay for the postage yourself, and pray that you haven't forgotten something before finally mailing it off.
You think to yourself, Do I really have to do all this every time when I know it's probably just going to be another rejection letter?
Wait, though, it gets better. Some of these literary agencies require a reading fee. Not only that, but every "How To" book you've read says never, ever pay a reading fee. Well, what about the ones charging a processing fee? Is that the same thing? (Hint: It is, the sorry motherf***ers just renamed it because they knew the word was out about their reading fee scams.)
All right, so, you scrap all that and just go directly for the independent publishers, the ones who don't require a literary agency to read your manuscr...awwwwwwwww, shit, they require a "processing" fee too? And they want the full manuscript, double-spaced, with a two-page synopsis included and a biography about yourself?
"Whaaaaaaaaa...?"
By this time, for a single damn book, you've got a one-page, two-page, and three-page synopsis written up, several different versions of a query letter, and a bunch of SASEs just lying around, waiting to be sent off on your work. You've footed the bill on a lot of manila folders and postage, and you figure you'll just submit by e-mail now, because it's easier.
But wait! It gets even better, because then you find out that, for some reason that not even Sherlock Holmes could suss out (because it goes beyond logic), certain agencies aren't even receiving your e-mails because they filter out hotmail or even gmail, and some only work through Facebook?
"Whaaaaaaaaaa...?"
You find out some of these stories about filtered e-mails are just rumors, some of them are based on fact, but the truth still remains: you've gotten nowhere with your submissions and it's not entirely your fault. As a matter of fact, quite often, you'll find you've done nothing wrong. Nothing at all. You followed all the guidelines (as well as you could), unriddled all their jargon (in a way that would make Batman proud), and you followed through.
Here's the bad news, though. You know the publishing industry? And the literary agents? The ones who are supposed to know what they're doing and should know what they're talking about? You know, those guys?
Yeah, it turns out that just like 90% of politicians, martial artists, salesmen, and clergymen, they have no clue what they're doing. Not one clue. Yes, publishers and agents are guarding all the doors and holding all the keys, but most haven't the foggiest clue what the hell they're doing. If they did, something would have been done about this backwards, wibbly-wobbly world of manuscript submission by now, and a standardized system of submitting works would have been established.
But that's not going to happen. Not now. The power is falling out of their hands. People can, and are, self-publishing now, and every year we see that realm of publishing growing.
(to be contineud in The Problems with Publishing Today (Part 4: The Dunning-Krueger Effect in Publishing)
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Visit my website: www.forestofideas.com
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