Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Pet Peeves in Fiction Writing (Part 2: Super Quippy Dialogue, AKA the NCIS Dilemma

"Do you like Karen?" Alex asks.

"Karen who?" Ted replied, eyes squinted, mind searching for an origin to the name.

"Karen Who.  Is she related to the Doctor?"

"Which Doctor?"

"Aw, c'mon, don't tell me you never watched Doctor Who?" Alex said.

"Of course I have.  I had the tiny little lunchbox shaped liked the TARDIS when I was a kid...don't judge me, the TARDIS lunchbox is cool.  But dude, which Karen are you talking about?" Ted said, becoming increasingly frustrated.

"Karen Abernathy," Alex said.  "Who else?  Did you think I meant Karen Williamson?"

"I don't know..."

"Which one's your favorite?"

"Between Karen Abernathy and Karen Williamson?"

"No!  I mean, which Doctor?  I always liked Baker, the second one, but most people seem to like David Tennant.  I dunno, I kinda peg you for a Matt Smith kinda guy--"

"Dude, which Karen are you talking about?!"

"You're so cute when you're angry."

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Okay, so, the dialogue above is just an example of what I'm going to be talking about here.  Maybe I should call this article "Super Quippy and Circular Dialogue that Goes Around and Around and Thinks That Just Because the Writers are Constantly Referencing Pop Culture That it Must Be Well Written and Smart," but that's a very long and exhausting title.

However...maybe that title is more appropriate, because my problem with this kind of dialogue has to do with its unnecessary verboseness, and its overuse in modern shows, the main culprit, of course, being crime shows and medical shows.

(Again, these are my pet peeves.)

This sort of dialogue wouldn't be so frustrating if, time and time again, we didn't see the roles reversed between, say, Alex and Ted in this example.  By that I mean, commonly in shows like "NCIS," dialogue is shotgun-blasted out of a character's mouth and just goes on and on like the above example before we get to the point, and commonly in the next episode Ted is behaving like Alex, and Alex like Ted, one aggravating the other with nagging, quippy dialogue that belabors the point.

I understand that this sometimes lends flavor to a character, but as I said, if the roles are so easily reversed in the next episode, then essentially everybody is talking like this all the time.  It's fine when one character talks like this, or even two; it makes them unique.  But when everyone is talking like this?

For me, it's like hearing nails grinding on a chalkboard.

Imagine a well-written series like Game of Thrones.  The dialogue coming out of Tyrion Lannister's mouth just would not fit coming out of, say, Arya Stark's, or Sansa Stark's, or Stannis Baratheon's.  Each character has their own distinct voice.  This distinguishes characters from one another in ways more complex and interesting than just what they're wearing.  Some characters are reserved, others won't shut up, and still others won't speak at all if a certain character is nearby out of fear.

Take another fantastic show: Firefly.  Though the dialogue is a hoot, and it's fast-paced and with some clever quips, it's always going somewhere with just the briefest of pit stops here and there for a side laugh.  And, whenever a character does decide to go off on a tangent, it's always for a good reason, usually something to do with their past or a deepening mystery, or just a story that adds flavor to their persona.

I feel I should restate that these are my pet peeves, things that I am getting tired of hearing in fiction.  What is this need of some writers to fill every second with what my friends and I call "quippy-quippy-stabby-stabby-jabby-jabby"?  Everyone is full of quips, stabbing at each other with barbed words (usually meant to be funny) and jabbing at one another all the time.

If it were one show, I probably wouldn't notice.  Hell, I'd probably even like it.  But when so many shows are doing it instead of creating a unique voice for each character, or an original style of dialogue not used in any other show (check out Deadwood if you really want to hear an original style of dialogue), then it just gets tiresome.

Any time you complain about this style of dialogue, some people will you stupid, when all you're saying is that, for many of us, we're tired of the super-quippy dialogue all the time.  Sometimes (many times), less is more.

"Chad, you just don't get it!"  No, believe me, I do.  I really, really do.  I understand that it takes talent to write convincing dialogue and to have it all be clever and interesting all the time--I have to do it myself, after all--but it's overuse in modern fiction, in place of other character development tools, is what's so frustrating.

I'm going to end this here, lest I prattle on.  Less is more, after all.

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